"What does the chef recommend?"
"Sir, this is a mcdonalds"
One day a Princess was stranded in another Kingdom and sought shelter in the King’s palace. She was welcomed by the Queen who was looking for a match for her son, the Prince who was handsome and nice. She decided to test the Princess to see how Princess-y she really was and arranged a high bed of 10 mattresses under which there was a tiny pea.
The Princess looked at the bed and realized the Queen was a phycho bitch with issues. She slept badly and complained the next morning about it. When the Queen asked why, she said it was because she slept on 10 goddam mattresses instead of one like normal people. She also didn’t mention the bloody pea. The Queen looked disappointed, so she ended up revealing the “test” she set up and that she had failed. The Princess commented that she didn’t care about marrying the Prince who, she said, should find his own Princess and also said he was a little too handsome, if you know what I mean. The Prince said what and the Princess used a derogatory term for homosexual. The Prince took objection to this and replied that he detests that term, and had a nice male lover and despised people who stereotyped so much. He only ever wanted to marry a Princess so he could legally rule the kingdom and get rid of all the racism and homophobia that went on in his Father’s current rule. The Princess apologized to him for the name-calling and briefly wondered if she could get into a will and grace situation for the greater good but finally decided against settling down with a guy with a phycho mother but said she wished him well.
The King overheard this entire breakfast conversation and told his son he was not, infact, homophobic or racist and did only what he thought was expected of him. Father and Son had a major heart to heart but the Queen, pissed off and unable to evolve with time, sent the Princess away, stormed into the guest bedroom with 10 mattresses piled on one another, pulled out the pea and ate it. They said this was her undoing.
Years later, when all thought she was dead, she’d be retelling this story in an ashram in the west of India. The Princess had married and had 3 girls, all of whom divided the kingdom and ruled. The Prince tried to legalize gay marriage but it didn’t work so he had a ring ceremony with his male lover (now “husband”) and the King ruled a more open kingdom, ready to be passed on to the Prince.